Ask A Trans Man - Chasers

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Question: What's the difference in being attracted to Trans men and being a chaser? Is it level of respect? Maybe more of a fetishization thing that changes the way its seen?

Simon Says: To me, the difference between attraction and chasing is whether you see the whole person or just their body.

To be clear, this is absolutely calling out men who are attracted to women this way too. To me, that is also being a chaser.

Objectification with no consideration of the human underneath is absolute garbage, regardless of whether that attraction is lobbied at cis folk or trans folk or nonbinary folk or anyone else. And it's the same groups of people doing both the vast majority of the time.

I struggled a lot with the concept of chasers when I started transitioning because it felt the same as well men had objectified me for being a woman. Everyone was telling me it was different, but it really wasn't. It was the exact same bullshit.

If you want to date a trans man because he has a vagina or trans woman because she has a penis and that is your primary motivation for dating them, not who they are, not what their personality is, not the light in their eyes or the fire in their souls, you are a chaser.

If you want to date a cis woman for her vagina or you want to date a cis man for his penis and that is your primary motivation for dating them, not who they are, not what their personality is, not the light in their eyes or the fire in their souls, you are also a chaser.

The same is true for agender, 2 spirit, nonbinary, or otherwise gender-diverse folk. If all that matters is their "sexual characteristics", you are not attracted to them. You're turning them into an object to lust after. That's chasing.

Now, attraction is complex and beautiful. Someone's anatomy and their foundational experiences absolutely can be a part of attraction. I think, for many people, they are an integral part of attraction. But they shouldn't be the entire attraction. They should be a piece of the puzzle that together makes a whole, beautiful picture of being attracted to a human.

It's a bit like the joke that so many cis men aren't actually attracted to women. They would really be happier with a sex doll or a robot with hole.

Chaser energy is the same.

If you want a body of a certain configuration but don't care about the person, you're a chaser. Period. The end.

There is an extra layer of "ick" that often gets applied to chasers, but still applies to how some men date women: Chasers are often also predatory, seeking out trans/nonbinary folk who they believe they can manipulate and control. They find people early in transition who are looking for validation and they validate just enough to get the person to sign up for a relationship and then they become controlling and abusive.

"You are a real man!" and then once you're there, "no one else will love you and accept you." or other bullshit. They often also put limitations on how much of a transition you can go through, like "wearing a binder is fine, but don't get top surgery" or "taking testosterone will make you too hairy" or whatever.

It's incredibly gross to be on the receiving end of any of that. It quickly becomes clear that a chaser's validation of your gender only applies if you present the way they want you to present. That's not acceptance. That's not true attraction. That's toxic, abusive, and predatory.

But again, I've seen the same thrown at cis women. It's just different flavors of the same poison. Either way, it dehumanizes and destroys.

So, attraction to certain anatomical configurations isn't a problem! Really, it's not. But if you're "chasing" that anatomical configuration regardless of who is on the other end of it and what they want or need? You're a chaser. And that is true whether what you are chasing is a woman with a penis, a man with a vagina or a woman with a vagina or anything else.

If you are a trans or otherwise gender diverse person who feels like this is happening to you, know that it isn't your fault. You do not deserve this because you chose to transition. You are not asking for it. Even if part of you wants the attention because you're afraid no one else will ever accept you: you are not deserving of being chased like this. You deserve to be loved for you are, all of you. And if these men (they're usually men) can't see you as a whole person, they aren't worth your time.

The one thing that surprised me in my transition is there are people who will be attracted to me regardless of where I am in my journey. Even when I didn't pass. Even though I'm now dating men and have a vagina. And they aren't attracted despite my anatomy or despite my gender. It's part of their attraction. They saw (or see) me as a whole person.

TLDR: Chasers see humans as objects for sexual gratification and or as prey. Attraction is seeing the whole person and loving it all.

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