The definition of kismet is "fate" or "destiny". I don't know why, but in my brain, but fate and destiny don't do justice to kismet. It's the magic of everything working just right. The energy is like that of the satisfaction when you watch someone push over a single domino and an entire work of art reveals itself. You know it took careful planning and so much time to execute properly. It is literally a masterpiece of complexity, each piece having to fall just right in order for the whole thing to work. That is kismet.

The first time in my life I ever felt like something was truly kismet was when I fell for Tommy. Even now, almost 2 months into our marriage, things keep magically falling into place in a way that I cannot explain. I look at how each of us danced around each other for the last almost 18 years and I cannot explain how we so often were so close to each other and yet so far away. There are overlaps in our existence that could have easily had us pass each other as we walked without knowing.

And at the perfect moment in our lives, we finally met in a state both of us had at one time sworn we'd never live in again. He has 3 kids who need a dad who actually chooses them with no obligation to do so. I have always wanted kids and even drew 3 kids when I drew what I imagined my future family would be like when I was in high school, but have no desire to actually give birth to kids. Both of our favorite hobbies are reading and writing and neither of us particularly enjoys television. He needs a little bit of my structure in his life and I need a bit of his chaos. I could keep going. There so many things that fit together so well.

I entered my relationship with Tommy as a skeptic. I am now a believer.

Kismet.

I'm not sure what I'm a believer of, to be clear. I do not believe in a Christian version of God. I also do not think it's likely that there is "a" god at all, no matter how you define that. But something exists. There is no other explanation I can come up with.

Kismet.

The crazy thing is when you start getting things aligning, it never ends up being in just one area of your life. No, when things are truly aligned, things shift so drastically in all areas of your life to make you a whole picture, a masterpiece.

It's finally happening for my dreams.

If you'd ever asked me as a child, I would have told you that when I grew up, I wanted to be a [parent], a writer who illustrates my own books, and a teacher.

Well, I'm a step-dad with 3 kids I adore. Check one. I am half-way done with a book called "There Were No Signs" that combines old poetry I wrote before I got married to my ex husband with reflections I am writing now. Almost check. Tonight, Claude and I came up with a plan for illustrating my own book. Future check. I've taught before and I feel like I will again, however this one feels a bit nebulous. I think as I move forward with my other plans, this one will also sort itself.

Regardless, I'm getting what I always wanted.

Another fun piece: with what I'm trying to do with my "brand", I am using something from every random thing I've ever done. All the things that felt like they didn't align and were too disjointed to ever help me in any way are now all helping in ways I could not have anticipated.

Kismet.

I want to be perfectly clear here because I know there are people who will misunderstand. This does not mean my life is easy. Not at all. There are so many hard things happening, both personally and in the broader climate. Honestly, there's so much happening in both of those spaces that without the kismet driving me forward, I might not be able to withstand the pressure.

It's like, when you're driving to the ER and all the lights are magically green. You're going to the ER. Things are clearly a bit rough or you wouldn't be going to the ER, but the timing of the green lights might literally save a life.

The good news is, I'm getting green lights.

When I was Mormon, I remember listening to people say all the wonderful things happening to them that they saw as proof God loved them and they were on the right track.

I have more of those events in a week than I ever did in my 30 years as a Mormon. Either God is really happy with the fact I'm a gay trans man who regularly uses the F word and thinks Christianity is bogus, or it was never about God.

The fun thing is I don't care which way that ends up panning out. I love being agnostic. I love that whether God exists or not doesn't make one iota of impact on how I live my life. I care about people because I have empathy. I only keep people in my life who bring me joy, regardless of their relationship to me. I am who I am because I want to be this way. God's approval isn't a factor.

Anyway. Despite disregarding God, I very much do believe in kismet. I don't care if it comes from an omnipotent God, or a series of Light Beings who are molding the Universe or if I'm actually part of a computer simulation, but kismet is the only explanation that makes sense when it comes to my life. I didn't see it that way even 3 months ago, but here we are.

For the last 7 years, I've felt like nothing has gone right. I was constantly wandering off into weird detours that led nowhere. It was incredibly, incredibly disheartening.

And then in a matter of 2 months all those weird little detours are fitting together as if they were always supposed to.

Kismet.

**I will be launching a blog titled "Ask a Trans Man" sometime shortly. If you want to submit a question, use this link: https://forms.gle/toXV81A4obaBYTDU8

***Want to help us escape a state trying to ban our rights? Donate to my paypal now! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/XGGBW2YFYKQGU