At some point in my life, someone told me that in the bible, when they used the number 40, it rarely, if ever, actually meant "40" of the thing. It was just the then culturally relevant story-telling exaggerated way for saying "Yeah, there were a lot of them".

So when they say that Noah was in the boat for 40 days and 40 nights, they were just waxing poetic about the fact he was in the boat for a very long time.

I don't know if that's true or not, but it's rational that it could be that. People across cultures and time have used different numbers to represent "a lot". I do it with the kids all the time, especially when they are being ridiculous. I don't even use the same number consistently. I'm pretty sure I've answered 7 years several times when they asked how long it would be until they got what they wanted (for the 52 time in the last 5 minutes). I've also said things like "49 eons" and 2 minutes and 8 million and one milliseconds". So the fact that someone somewhere back in ancient Israel thought it was a good idea to use 40 days as the story-telling way of saying "a really long time" seems possible enough and always has to me.

Today, today I understand on a different level.

Today, I have been a dad for 40 days. We're very close the point where I'll have been in this family as long as Noah was on the boat. The difference is, I never plan on getting off this boat.

These kids are my kids now.

Whether they believe it yet, or whether or not they like me all the time, I'm sticking around. And the fact that I currently hold no legal authority in their lives and the fact that I am not biologically related, doesn't change my commitment level.

And at the same time, 40 days in a 3 bedroom apartment with 3 AuDHD kids is a really long time.

It's mostly good, I want to explicitly state that. I love these kids already. They are bright and funny and have the goofiest little habits that make me smile. Most days, they give me hope for a better future.

But today, today I am tired.

I swear the kids got together and decided "hey, Pops has been married for a month now. The honeymoon is over, so we can stop being nice to Simon. Let's ramp this up, shall we?"

(I'm obviously joking. They can't coordinate going to the grocery store down the street without fighting. Actually creating a unified plan of attack is a little beyond them at this time).

The last 7 days have been the kids taking turns at melting down or freaking out at me.

In the best of times, that would be a lot, but we do not live in the best of times. We live in a chaotic hellscape where the government grants immunity to hired goons who murder civilians.

I personally live in a state where my right to be a parent is going to be allowed to be legally challenged based on the fact that I support my trans kids.

Obviously, staying isn't great, so we're looking at Exit Options.

Add to that several chapters of my life have been closing in the last several months and it's no wonder that I'm exhausted.

Any parents reading this are like "yep. That's being a parent in 2026." They are totally right. This is a lot for all of us.

Somehow, at the same time, I don't think I've ever been happier.

Yes, it's been 40 days of lots of stress. It's also been 40 beautiful days with laughter and silliness and moments of growth and healing. I love my beautiful little life. This is why, even when it's chaotic and nuts and I want to crawl under the bed and hide from the kids with the cats, I still know that I'm going to be here not just tomorrow and the next day, but that I'm in it for the long haul.

This is exactly what I've always wanted.

When I was a kid, the cultural expectation of me was I would go to college and get a degree as a back-up plan, but that I would get married, have babies, and be the stay at home mom.

Those were never my plans.

I never, ever, wanted to be the stay at home mom. If I had any framework of belief that I could be a dad and that it could look like what I'm doing for these kids, that's the route I would have picked then. I did not. Only moms were this present in their kids lives in my world view. No dad I knew spent as much time with their kids as I do with mine. I genuinely didn't know this was an option.

But even as a kid, I wanted to work. I wanted to create things. From 1st grade to about 9th grade, my goal in life was to be an author, an illustrator, a teacher, and a mom. I would have listed them in that order too.

Dreams have changed a little bit. I don't want to be a traditional teacher. I definitely am not a mom. And I don't know that I'll ever illustrate a book. But the general idea of the dream is still there.

I want to write stories. I want to make people smile and laugh and feel things. I want to educate and support the people around me. And I want to be a parent.

So here I am, writing my stories on my blog. I'm also homeschooling my step son and I'm an actively involved dad. It is a lot. But it's exactly what I've wanted ever since I was old enough to write my first story in 1st grade.

This is the dream.

The weird thing about reaching your dream is you have to create a new one.

That's tomorrow's problem though, because it's been 40 days and tomorrow it will be day 41. The kids will still be in the apartment and so will I. We're going to be spending a lot of the day deep cleaning.

It's going to be fun.