When I was a young adult, I used to call myself a walking contradiction. I felt like I was consistently dancing between the two ends of any spectrum I came in contact with. That dichotomy only got worse as I aged.

I was the happiest depressed person I knew. I was so fucking silly and also so incredibly logical. I am a Reiki Master with a BSE in Biomedical Engineering. I am an extrovert who has panic attacks when I have to go to places I'm unfamiliar with. I love new people, but don't let people get close to me easily. I believe in natural remedies, but you will pry vaccines from my cold, dead hands. I'm very, very realistic and at the same time so incredibly optimistic. I have done higher math classes than anyone else in my family (and my grandpa and some of my brothers did Calculus for fun), but if you ask me to tell you what two basic numbers added together are, I will not be able to tell you. Etc. Etc. Etc. (Really, I could go on).

In 2025, however, I decided I was done dancing between all of these realities.

I was tired, so very tired.

I'll be honest that, while I was making progress, I was also really struggling. How could I ever manage to stop dancing between different pieces of myself? That was all I knew and I was good at it. I was so good at dancing (metaphorically. I'm actually a terrible dancer if my feet are involved).

Then, shortly after my husband, Tommy, and I started dating last year, we were driving down the street and in front of us was a truck that read (in no particular order): "Park City's Best!" "Merlin Jacobsen" "Plumbing, Astrology, Hypnotist".

Tommy and I had a really good laugh at that. Was Merlin the best Plumber? The best Astrologist? Or the best Hypnotist? Or was it the combination of all three that had earned him the title? I remember remarking, "I bet he's the only human on the planet with that as his business model."

Obviously, though, this is working for him. I've looked him up. He has several trucks. He has employees. He's been in business for quite some time too. You cannot afford trucks and employees and maintain it for years if you aren't doing well as a business. I know this because I've run 2 businesses in the last 10 years (I only closed both because I moved and you kind of have to be in person if you want to do massage).

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how fucking genius Merlin Jacobsen is. No one, and I mean no one, who actually reads his trucks will ever forget him. He definitely has a niche on the market of plumbers who read the stars and hypnotize you. I didn't know there was a market for that, but it's working, so who am I to say it isn't one?

If he just tried to do any of those things individually, he'd be struggling a lot more than he is now, for sure.

So what if, instead of dancing between all these "contradictions", I just was.

I'm the weird dude who sits at the intersection of "was called a tomboy as a kid and now I'm a feminine man"; who first came out as a lesbian and is now in a gay marriage because it turns out what I really am is just very Queer; who is silly, goofy, and incredibly analytical and will use my analytical mind to prove the silliest things to people or drop jokes in the middle of serious projects; who is a very spiritual agnostic who believes every moment matters more if there is no afterlife, not less.

All of these are me. I am done wearing masks to make others happy. If you're my people, you're my people.

I can just be my own little weirdo self.

That was actually one of the goals of this website, tbh. I really just wanted to have a place to write about all of myself and find a community with no expectations of me being anyone I'm not or doing anything I don't want to. I'm just me, Simon, and you can "take it or leave it" (as my step daughter says).

Or in words parents understand, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."

(I mean, I guess you can throw a fit, but I'll just do what I do when the 8 year old throws a fit and watch calmly until you've stopped screaming long enough for me to say, "This doesn't work on me. You either need to calm down or go to your room."

Or I'll laugh.

I'll be honest, that is definitely an option. It depends on how ridiculous you're being.)

Regardless, I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing. I'm gonna keep showing up as my own Weirdo Little Self. You can join me along this adventure if you want. I think the people who stick around and keep coming back are going to end up being my kind of people. That's my goal: find people who are totally cool with all of me, so I can stop dancing.

**As soon as I have enough submissions, I will be launching a blog titled "Ask a Trans Man". If you want to submit a question, use this link: https://forms.gle/toXV81A4obaBYTDU8

***If you want to help me and my family Get Out of Dodge (aka move somewhere safer for trans folk), you can help by donating here! It will say my business name, Nomis Soul Healing https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/XGGBW2YFYKQGU